I’m watching the ridiculously small waves of the Billabong Pro at Teahupoo, and Jordy just did a judo air, on his back hand. Maybe get a browser open with a wikipedia page open or something. Or one of Billabong’s skate team on skype, that could work. What’s Bucky Lasek up to right now? It’s the highlight of the first round, maybe even the week of lay days the contest has been plagued by. A big, perfect move over ridiculously dangerous reef. The commentators don’t know what to call it, the judges don’t know how to score it. They’re calling it the first one ever done in competition. Manoa Drollet and CJ Hobgood get typical barrels and the judges are screwed, cos they have no idea how to compare the old school’s barrels with what Jordy just did.

Where is the dillemma? A move never done at this break, done practically to perfection, followed by turns as good as anyone else. Jordy just did something no-one else can do, and yet Manoa is right behind him with a mediocre barrel and turn in the smallest swell you could possibly run a Teahupoo contest in. The judges have given Jordy the lead, but it seems almost grudging.

Kustom Footwear offer up $50 000 for a single move, and when Chippa Wilson submits a backhand bigspin some surf media refer to it as a 360º. Out of the 9 best moves they’ve picked just 2 stand out as ridiculously forward thinking. Flynn Novak’s back flip and Chipp’s Bigs. Where are the 540ºs? where is the front flip, the kickflip? the switch backhand floater withe the 180º out? I know there are guys out there dreaming up this stuff because I can’t possibly be the only person imagining it.

KUSTOM’S TOP 9 AIRSTRIKE ENTRIES from Kustom Airstrike on Vimeo.

This is the problem with surfing right now. You have guys pushing the limits, lots of them, trying all kinds of really cool stuff. And doing it WELL. Attitudes are changing, shapers are getting innovative with equipment, and yet commentators don’t know the difference between frontside and backside spins, or the names of different grabs.
This is unacceptable.
This is a sport with at least four different terms for ways to have the lip of a wave go over a surfer’s head. They have probably half a dozen different definitions for what is, essentially, turning the board. And it’s totally justified because these nuances are relevant and valid. These are guys that understand and appreciate nuance and subtlety. It’s a culture built on composure, style and rebellion. So why are they having such a hard time embracing this change? Learn your craft! Surfing has got a bigger audience than ever and these guys call every invert a rodeo, every rotation a spin and every hand on a board a grab.
These aren’t Futuristic Moves any more. “Aerial” doesn’t cut it as a move description. They’re getting done at fucking Teahupoo at what might be the most important contest of the year. Have the decency to accurately inform the audience what they’re watching. These guys should be at the forefront of technical knowledge, or at least have someone informing them. As for the Judges, I’m sure there are plenty of criteria other than merely what the guys are doing in their heats, and we don’t get to hear their scoring process but I hope they know enough to tell the difference.
“Motorcross air”. Are you fucking kidding me?

Which page would you rather appear at the top of? The Google Search results for Epitome of Cool or the Google Images results for Definition of cool? This guy appears on one of them.

And it’s not even from one of the main characters.

These are some very cool poster designs for movies found via Paul Snodgrass. In most cases, you need to have seen the movie before you get what’s going on in the poster, but damn, some of these would make fine conversation pieces hanging in your living room. You can buy some of them here. Someone please explain the Ghostbuster one to me. I didn’t get it straight away and lost interest.

For the South African fans, you’re probably used to our politicians making fools of themselves and pop culture parodying it. Philip is here, bloody agent, Pres Zuma’s showerhead and all that nonsense. So when Bheki Cele made his speech about the poor physical state of our police force, it was the opportunity for all the musicians and DJ’s out there to get their licks in. Do a google search for “chest out, stomach in” and you’ll find a bunch of remixes. In case you’re too lazy here’s one Remix in easy reach for you lazy, lazy readers. And here’s a bunch more, cos the web is all about being lazy.

Envy your body! mmmm.